A fair shake or a vicuñacino?

This article first appeared on October 10, 2012.

Last week, when I read that Andrew “Twiggy” Forrest would no longer provide tomato sauce to his staff to save costs, I thought it was a little harsh. Fair shake of the sauce bottle, as a former prime minister was fond of saying.

That was until the milk man arrived this morning at Taskmaster Towers with seven bottles of milk.

Up until then, I had been under the impression we had a weekly milk delivery, but my loyal office manager dutifully informed me this perk came daily.

I quickly began mentally multiplying seven bottles by five working days a week by 52 weeks in a year. That weekly milk bottle I though we got turns out to be a milk truck.

“Uhh boss, it’s not cow’s milk, it’s vicuña milk,” the office manager cheerfully corrects me.

What in blue blazes is a vicuña?!

“It’s a Latin American animal. It’s like llama, but a lot more pretentious. Vicuña cappuccinos are all the rage in the trendiest Melbourne laneway cafes these days. The genuine organic imported vicuña milk we get costs $7 a bottle, but all the hipsters in the office insist it tastes much better than regular milk.”

Now, I’m a reasonable boss. Well, most of the time. But there are limits to workplace perks and daily vicuñacinos well and truly cross that line.

So are you giving your staff a fair shake of the sauce bottle, or the whole imported organic vicuña milk truck? If you don’t know, it’s time to investigate!

Get it done – today!