Shutting down my startup: Lived founder Sally Metelerkamp shares the unforgettable lessons

Reflecting on the path of my startup, Lived, I’ve come to realise that determination was its cornerstone, far outweighing intellect, resources, and network.

The level and frequency of challenges you face in a startup can be overwhelming, but it’s the persistence and determination to overcome these challenges that sets successful teams apart. True success in entrepreneurship isn’t just launching an idea; it’s relentlessly pursuing that vision, against all odds.

I was nowhere near ready to give up, but six months ago, we had no choice but to close down the company. Watching it unravel alongside my deteriorating health was terrifying. This experience, an open wound, is something I wouldn’t trade for anything, as it will become a defining scar of my journey.

The genesis of Lived

Lived was born from an understanding of a significant but under-recognised need in the market. Facing initial skepticism from investors – some wondered if our target demographic even used mobile phones (facepalm) – we persevered. The onset of the pandemic reshaped these views, as the urgent need for digital health solutions became evident, amidst the struggles of isolation and addiction and broader access to healthcare.

Growing up in the shadow of parental addiction and being raised by my 70-year-old grandmother, I developed a deep-seated independence, resilience, and a remarkably audacious belief in myself. These weren’t merely life experiences; they transformed me and unknowingly prepared me for my founder journey.

In the company’s tougher moments, I’d sometimes compare current challenges to the family dramas from my childhood – think less ‘Brady Bunch,’ and more ‘Adams Family’. It was my way of gaining perspective, though I’d hesitate to recommend turning family eccentricities into a coping strategy for everyone.

There’s a common saying among founders, ‘I am not my company’. It’s a delusion we tell ourselves to try and convince us we have a separate life. However, I embraced the complete opposite, proudly saying, ‘I am Lived’. This was more than a figure of speech for me – I even got ‘Lived’ tattooed on my arm, symbolising how deeply the company was intertwined with my identity. Now, as we untangle everything post-closure, my pride in what we built remains strong. Running this business was wildly fulfilling, and the most exhilarating experience of my life. A playful thanks to those who teased me about tattoo removal, it will be my last unexpected jolt of pain.

The journey’s challenges

In early 2023, I faced a maelstrom of health issues – debilitating chronic vertigo triggered by stress. This wasn’t mere dizziness, I often could not get out of bed without help. A cancer scare followed (that surgery has since removed), along with the threat of infertility that I am still working through. These personal battles, the struggle for an accurate diagnosis, and the long road to recovery were the most challenging parts. Now, although on the mend, I know with certainty I could not sustain what is required to make a startup successful at a critical time.

Milestones and achievements

In four transformative years, Lived evolved from a concept into a visceral movement. Our goal was to fill a critical void in health support, with a self-service platform where individuals could offer support to others through their lived experiences and get paid for it. We successfully raised over $4 million, built a brand that addressed highly stigmatised issues, and assembled a world-class team with all the right experiences. Lived became a symbol of resilience and a hub for a community with shared experiences. We proudly assisted tens of thousands of people, cementing our belief that Lived experience will be a game-changer in healthcare.

Overcoming challenges

Early in our journey, we experienced a co-founder breakup that cost us critical time. This was a harsh lesson in the importance of mutual respect and shared values in business. It reminded us of the principle that you should treat people as you wish to be treated. When others don’t reciprocate this respect, the misalignment needs to be resolved swiftly however uncomfortable. Other early hiring missteps taught us the delicate balance of trust and talent.

Our agility was later tested when we made a bold, market-driven pivot late in our funding cycle. Although our goals remained the same, this strategic shift essentially meant starting a new business from scratch. This was intense but necessary.

The tough conversations ahead

In the difficult conversations ahead, it’s essential to maintain perspective. I could have wallowed in self-pity or railed against the unfairness of it all. However, I chose to see every challenge as a cost of pursuing something meaningful. Yes, there were significant costs – financial, temporal, and emotional. But on the flip side, this journey offered me the chance to make a real impact, to tackle some of life’s most complex challenges. It’s about weighing the costs against the invaluable experiences and growth opportunities such challenges provide. The only reason to feel nervous going into those conversations would be knowing I did not give it my all. So my advice would be that if you’re unsure, it might be a signal to keep going. When I finally realised I had to close down Lived, there was no doubt left.

With investors

When I approached the tough talks with investors about shutting down, I kept in mind they were just regular people, dealing with their own stuff. So, I did not have any complex strategies in my mind, I just picked up the phone and called. Almost every investor shifted into a coaching role, first ensuring I was okay, sharing their experiences, and providing support. They understood the personal toll such a decision takes. Their insights, borne from similar situations, were not just about business logistics but also about coping and moving forward. Keep in mind if you make these calls you will be wearing multiple hats – a founder coming to terms with the end, a CEO with a message, and a director with responsibilities. This can be complex, but it is all about being honest and human in those conversations. If this conversation is received with anything but warmth, that’s not on you.

With the team

Informing the team about the closure was like disbanding a family we all built together. Each member had poured their heart and soul into our vision, working tirelessly for our collective goal. I chose to have these conversations one-on-one, not in a group setting. It felt more personal and respectful, acknowledging each person’s contribution and the impact on their future. It was emotionally draining, running a marathon of tough conversations. Getting emotional was hard to avoid; it’s a natural response when you’re sharing such significant news with people who’ve been with you every step of the way. As CEO, I ensured we never compromised our ability to fulfill our financial obligations to the team. You will always want to provide generous severance packages, flexible schedules for interviews, and support in finding their next roles. It’s a critical part of honoring your team’s dedication and commitment.

Closing Lived

After exploring every option, including changes in leadership and strategic pivots, the decision to close Lived and return funds to investors was clear, especially to prioritise my health. I worked closely with our major investor, lawyer, and accountant. It’s super important to be clear and upfront in these situations, not just because it’s the right thing to do, but also because you never know when you might want to pitch your next big idea to these same investors. Keeping everything transparent and wrapping up responsibly means maintaining good relationships for whatever comes next. Thoroughness is key due to the real fiduciary responsibilities involved.

Lessons for the future

Some lessons are already weaving themselves into my subconscious, almost like a sixth sense that no doubt, will keep evolving. I will add the more tactical lessons to the more specific reflections later. For now, the ones that might help existing founders day-to-day are below.

Solving the ‘unsolvable’ while understanding constraints

Tackling seemingly insurmountable challenges is key, yet it’s equally important to understand your team’s constraints. For example, our engineer was hesitant about an off-the-shelf software integration due to cost concerns, not realising the importance in saving 14 days of work. This taught me the importance of considering various factors such as time, cost, resources, and strategic alignment. Understanding these dimensions is great for building mental models around how key decision-makers on your team think and approach problem-solving.

First principles thinking

Always strip problems down to their basics, and ask yourself, what’s the logical outcome? Ask fundamental questions like, “Will customers return? Will they pay?” Keep asking ‘why’ to get to the core of any issue.

Empower your team on ‘how’

Let your team take ownership of the ‘how’ in their areas of expertise, but make sure the ‘why’ and the ‘what’ are crystal clear from the outset. Reiterate these points until you are blue in the face.

Defensiveness is toxic

Cultivating an open-minded culture is crucial. Any confusion or error should be met with an educational approach rather than defensiveness. As a leader, guiding and clarifying is your key role. Initially, it was challenging for me to detach my emotions and passion from discussions, but learning to facilitate outcomes with a calm, open approach has been vital. This shift from defensiveness to constructive dialogue fosters better communication and problem-solving within the team.

A message to investors helping founders navigate a closure

We were fortunate with our investors, but not all are as lucky. It’s easy to get lost in the game, focusing on immediate losses or gains. Yet, what truly counts in the long run is integrity. How you handle a startup’s closure is a true test of character – an ego check. It’s about looking at yourself in the mirror and being proud of how you acted. Support founders with understanding and respect. The best response is one that upholds your integrity, not actions driven by a fleeting grip on power or financial concerns.

A message to people considering joining a startup

Think deeply before taking a role at a startup, as in these early stages, one person can make or break the entire venture. In a small team every member is crucial, so if you’re not ready to work tirelessly, consider the impact this has on the company and colleagues. Startups begin life default-dead and require herculean commitment from everyone to survive and thrive. If you’re not up for this, don’t take away the possibility from the team that is.

Your equity might start illiquid and moderate in value, but your role is to help build its worth. Be ready to be part of the solution to every problem, and know that your salary might not match market rates. Joining a startup is about dedication to a shared future, not just a job. This specifically relates to startups that are pre-product-market-fit, when time and resources are constrained. Canva is not a “startup” anymore. If you need months to become self-sufficient or require a mentor for routine aspects of the role, it’s likely not the right fit for you.

A message to future entrepreneurs

I firmly believe, “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear”. I hesitate to give prescriptive advice, as each entrepreneurial journey is complex and deeply personal. But if there’s one universal truth, it’s this; stay honest with yourself and with others. This integrity will be your compass.

And finally, fight hard and long, even if you fail, it’s worth it.

Thanks

Writing this has been therapeutic, helping me close a chapter, so I can focus on what’s next.

In reflecting on my own journey and the insights gleaned from other founders’ post-mortems, I’ve realised the importance of time in gaining clarity. It’s been six months of contemplation to even craft a post of this length and depth, and yet, this barely scratches the surface of the true complexity of a founder’s journey. Next year, I plan to share more nuanced insights on fundraising, the challenges of being a solo founder, product development, and winding down a company. While I hope some of this knowledge remains unused, it may be useful.

Unfortunately, my health is what brought Lived to an end. It’s an unsatisfying conclusion for any founder and team but has become the fuel for our personal growth and what we will go on to do.

A big thank you to our team. There are really no words for you all. Thank you, forever. ❤️

A heartfelt appreciation goes out to our investors for handling the closure news with care and integrity, a testament to their own experiences in this challenging field.

Special mention to Folklore Ventures and Antler for believing and backing an ambitious 26-year-old with little more than a scrappy pitch deck, but a grand vision and the conviction to change the world.

I truly feel lucky for the opportunity to have an impact.

For now

Right now, my big focus is on walking through fire with grace, applying the lessons from Lived to whatever lies ahead. My other focus is rest and quality time with friends and family, people I’ve unintentionally put aside during these intense years.

As we approach the end of this year, I’ll start considering what’s next, optimistically hoping for a kickoff in Q1/Q2 2025. I’m open to discussions, so feel free to reach out. I’m in a phase of rest, but my passion for impactful work and collaborating with smart people is as strong as ever.

A final bit of advice – if you ever wind up closing your company, go see a daytime movie, solo. It’s the perfect blend of that ‘unemployed’ vibe with a dash of childlike glee. Nothing quite says ‘I’m free for now’ like laughing alone in a cinema at 11am.

Sally Metelerkamp is the founder and CEO of Lived (previously Arli).

This article was first published on LinkedIn.