Slithershanks: Pitching in to smash testing times for six

Slithershanks never forgot that he was one of the most talented people not to play for the Australian Test cricket team. He could have been a massive success. A real contender. The only thing that got in his way was he couldn’t bat, bowl or field. Otherwise, he had exactly what it took to be a superstar.

Yet despite being cheated out of his rightful heritage, his competitive spirit never left him. That is why he was enormously impressed that four Australian Test cricketers had been stood down because they hadn’t done their homework detailing what they brought to the team. Now that is leadership. That is decisiveness. That is shouting so loudly you can’t hear what anyone else is saying.

“Doll, as an international supercoach I have decided to get the staff to write in 300 words or less what they bring to this company and why they should keep their jobs,” Slithershanks announced to his colleague Dolly Riseranks, a steely gleam in his eye. “Starting with you. What do you bring to our A team?”

“Well, I’m not you,” said Riseranks, looking about as cuddly as a cheetah that had just sunk its fangs into a baby gazelle. “Not being you has to be the best contribution I could possibly make to this company. And the world.”

“We’ve got to be on the same page being proactive team members as we implement end-to-end customer-centric vertical leverage, Doll. We need to think out of the box if we are to have scalable learnings that actuate our blue-sky scenario-based roundtable thinking.”

“Ah, yes, that’s another thing. I bring to this job the ability to speak English. Unlike you, for instance.”

“Doll, we have to start giving 110%.”

“Yes, that’s something else I bring to the business.”

“What’s that?”

“The ability to add up. If I am giving 110%. No, make that 120%. Actually, make it anything you like. Doesn’t matter, really.”

“Now you are getting on board. Upscaling your motivation resources.”