I have apologised but my co-worker still won’t forgive me!

Dear Aunty B

I have a colleague who has turned into a friend who I have enjoyed working alongside even though we work in different teams.

The problem is we have had an argument that is affecting our work.

I made an innocent comment about her not understanding how hard it was to have kids, work and balance everything, after she commented that it wasn’t fair that she had to work over Christmas. We have all had to take time off with the kids over the school holidays and she is single.

She is now virtually ignoring me. I have told her I am sorry that she has taken offense and she still won’t respond. I now feel really cross that she is overreacting and am wondering if I should escalate this to my superior who could act as a mediator. This woman really respects our superior and I think it might take the heat out of the whole thing.

Leonie

Dear Leonie,

Are you nuts? Escalate it? Why would you do that? This sort of nonsense reflects badly on both of you. And why would you ever open your mouth about anything to do with mums, kids, balance, parenting unless you wanted to put your foot in it?

You said something that she has found offensive. Don’t apologise for her taking offense. Apologise full stop. Tell her you want to take her out for Christmas lunch and make up. What are you apologising for? Who knows. Or cares. It’s work and you have to get on with your colleagues. Full stop. The safest way to do this is to tell her that you are a thoughtless nit sometimes and she really should be getting a Christmas break like everyone else, and that maybe next year things can be arranged better so she does. Then prattle on until you are both smiling away and relieved that you are both mature enough to not let personal issues derail a professional relationship.

Be smart,
Your Aunty B

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