My Managing Director is a drama queen. Help!

Dear Aunty B,

We have a problem with our Managing Director/Owner of the company that we work for. Our solution is to pack our bags and move elsewhere but until we have somewhere to go (another job) we need to keep sane. This is becoming more difficult each day.

Today our manager came in and before we had an opportunity to start up our computers or have a drink of water she started in on our youngest team member. The team member tried to get away from the manager by physically removing herself but said manager just followed her. By the time I heard the conversation the team member was quite distressed.

The manager was asking the team member to report to her personally instead of via email (this is difficult as she works on our website and needs authorisation to go ahead with changes so you need to see the work to authorise it).

To enforce her reasoning the manager said she was too busy to read emails and then started to say she was near death and having panic attacks. She went into great detail about this for a period of six minutes (yes we timed it) all the while standing over the team member.

Last week in a similar conversation to the same young team member she said she was so overwhelmed she ate a block of chocolate, then went home and sat in a corner sucking her thumb and contemplating how to kill herself!

My reaction is to tell her to stop talking about it and go and do something about it!
I’ve told her to go to the doctor but she refuses (“I don’t have time is the ongoing excuse”).

I’ve suggested strategies and timetabling and courses and webinars and online help, but she continues in this attitude. Nothing we do changes her.

So, what do we do for our own sanity?

Please help,
Distressed

Dear Distressed,

Your business owner is in a very distressed state and I feel very sorry for her. And she is very lucky to have you. You seem to be able to keep a level head, take responsibility for the junior members and be giving her very sensible advice. So good for you!!

However, I think this problem is more serious than you think. She appears to be very distressed and could be showing signs of a nervous breakdown.

The first thing to do is find someone to help you. Is there a family member, a board member or your accountant who can be alerted? Don’t go into detail and stay very professional. Say you are worried about her and could they talk to her?

The second thing to do is to approach her when she is in a receptive frame of mind. Your boss has a duty of care for her employees and although she is obviously deeply worried about the business, she cannot keep acting in this way, especially to your young team member.

You need to point out that while she might not be aware of it, her distress is having a profound impact on the employees and that it is crucial she seek help.

I know you feel this might distress her further but she must also face the fact that her staff will leave if she doesn’t have more insight into her behaviour and can’t control her distress.

Meanwhile, tell the young team manager to keep emailing her but make the emails very short and to the point. If the young team manager needs to tell her something, maybe you can instead.

You also need to understand this is a very complex problem; that it can’t be quickly fixed and she probably can’t just get better overnight. Make sure you look after your own health and you tune off from these problems at home.

Be smart,
Your Aunty B

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