My business partners are in a relationship and I am feeling left out. Help!

Dear Aunty B.

I went into business with my best friend, who I trust, and his romantic partner.

We’ve been in business for almost a year and some things that didn’t bother me at first are slowly piling up.

I feel one of two things could be happening – either my friend’s partner is controlling or distrustful and he gets a bit defensive when someone points out a mistake he’s made.

I think my friend’s wants to be the front face of the business, the one to deal with customers and then tell us what to do, to feel that he’s in charge.

That doesn’t bother my friend because he’s more a backstage kind of person and to be honest it wouldn’t bother me either (I think) if it happened naturally.

But my friend’s partner goes out of his way to make sure customers deal with him only — or with my friend, but since he doesn’t care for that it all goes back to the partner. 

When we discuss work I sometimes feel he addresses my friend only and I’m kind of a third wheel. 

My friend seems to be accustomed to that behaviour and doesn’t think there’s any ill will involved (we’ve never talked about it, I assume it because of his attitude) and maybe there’s not, but it still makes me uncomfortable.

Should I approach this in some way? Or perhaps let it slide as long as the business is doing fine?

Thank you for your advice.

Unhappy Partner.

Dear unhappy partner,

It’s no fun being third fiddle in a marriage and a business partnership, as I often say, is marriage without sex.

There are several issues here and first is clearly defining who is responsible for what.

Separating out roles so that everyone knows and understands what they do, who they report to and how their performance is measured is crucial in business and even for personal partners.

When a business grows roles can change or morph into something else, so it is very important to sit down, work out job descriptions and put metrics beside that.

Second is communication and just like in a marriage it is very important to clear the air.

Never be accusing, because people often behave in a certain way quite unintentionally and when you point it out they are shocked.

Go out to lunch with both your partners and tell them how you feel, starting sentences with: “I am sure this is unintentionally but sometimes” or “I feel like… when you do…”

I am sure when you sort out roles and work out ways to be more included that things will improve.

Lastly, in a business partnership you are actually not married, so always act professionally and try to sort out any issues of jealousy and friendship away from the business.

A counsellor might help here.

Be smart,

Your Aunty B