My divorcing colleague is bringing his pain and anger to work.

Dear Aunty,

I work closely with a man who is going through an awful divorce. His wife is being an absolute cow and is taking him to the cleaners. He barely gets to see his kids and he misses them desperately. Even though she left him for one of her kid’s friend’s dad, he has been blamed for the break up. It has had a huge impact on him because he is really angry and heartbroken.

The problem is he is bringing all this stuff to work. He is moody, lashes out, takes things out of proportion and is being quite illogical about simple decisions. I think he is drinking a bit at night which he doesn’t normally do and this is making him grumpy, particularly in the mornings. He is also interfering in things he shouldn’t, which is really annoying staff. He has now decided not to talk to me over something ridiculous.

Any suggestions? I have tried talking to him but he says nothing is wrong. He is usually such a rational and intelligent man and we have worked together for decades. I really feel for him but I need to look after my business.

Sue

Dear Sue,

The poor thing. He is feeling a complete lack of control. Imagine. His whole world has been swept away. The one place he has control is work and so he is unconsciously trying to put order and certainty into the workplace in a way he can no longer do at home.

Here is what you must do. Ignore the fact he has stopped talking to you. Keep up communications and arrange meetings. Try to keep things as normal as possible and low key. When he lashes out or takes things out of proportion simply draw the big picture for him and try to centre him on the reality of the workplace.

You can suggest he take holidays or a break but that might just give him an opportunity to ruminate. Let staff know that they have your support but that he is in trouble and to be kind and supportive, and try to work around him if possible.

Don’t try and fix things because there is little you can do about his personal life and don’t get caught up thinking you can. If he is rational and intelligent he will come out of this, especially with your support.

Be smart,
Your Aunty B

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