How do you deal with a business partner who is stuck in his own ways and unwilling to change?

Hello Aunty B,

Here is a doozie for you. My husband started a business with his uncle about nine years ago.

How do you deal with a business partner/family member who takes over everything, is stuck in his own ways and unwilling to change, progress, takes all of the credit for the business, is a hoarder with no sense of order and tidiness, treats the business partner like a worker and makes all the major decisions?

It is hard for me to sit back and watch while my husband gets belittled and walked all over. I am very strong willed and get so infuriated that I have to keep my mouth shut. I would love to let loose on this bully but my husband is holding me back because he doesn’t want his wife to fight his battles. This is an ongoing thing that blows up periodically and we really need help.

Regards,
Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Let’s look at this another way. Your husband is successfully running a small business in partnership with his uncle. It is not easy running a small business. It is really tricky being in a business partnership. Yet it appears this has worked successfully for nine years!

So congratulations. So there are tensions. Very run of the mill. One partner dominates and is stuck in his ways… Hmm… Sounds very normal to me. Yes it can be annoying but your husband has found ways to cope with this and work around it. Congratulations to him.

So the problem is actually… You! When you are running a small business like your husband is, it is essential to come home at night to a receptive soundboard.
You want to share with your partner all the good and the highly irritating things that happened throughout the day. How annoying that your business partner overrode your strategy. Typical that your business partner took credit for an idea. Of course your business partner doesn’t work as hard as you.

And what you need is a loving spouse who says stuff like this:

“Gee, that strategy he overrode was so good. You are full of great strategies. By the way, what’s for dinner?”
“Of course it was your idea. How annoying he nicked it and took all the credit. Anything good on the telly?”
“No one ever works as hard as you, you very hard worker. Now why don’t you do a bit of hard work on me?”

Get my drift?

Small business owners can be like teenage girls. They have been known to catastrophise one minute and look in the fridge the next.

Your job, Anonymous, is not to buy into it. It is to love your partner for who he is and recognise his strengths and emotional intelligence in being able to work for your uncle for so many years and make it work. It is to listen and give sage advice. It is to be loving and supportive and when, on the rare occasion you have heard enough about his small business, you do what my husband does and say will you shut up for five seconds about you’d bloody business?

I also suggest you go and do a bit of work on yourself. Why do you need to see your partner as all domineering and in charge? Why do you want to change the unchangeable? How can you listen better and make your husband feel he has your support?

Be smart,
Your Aunty B

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