Help! I can’t deal with open-plan any more.

Hi Aunty B.

Long-time reader, first-time writer. Thanks for your advice.

I’ve worked in an open-plan office environment for almost a decade and it’s killing me. It used to be OK, but for some reason, the sound of keyboard bashing, eating and chatting now kills my concentration. I’ve tried to listen to music to block it out, but I simply long for silence.

Honestly, it adds to my stress – I’m a hard worker who just wants to get the job done! Shouldn’t my employers be worried such distractions make me less efficient?

I know your advice might be to become the boss so I get an office, but are there any other solutions? What do you think about open-plan?

Tired,
Sydney.

Dear Tired,

Well, I quite liked open-plan until I heard from you. Suddenly I cocked an ear and listened. And what a racket.

Fancy being locked up with a bunch of gum-chewing, chatting typists for eight hours a day. Add phones ringing, the telly on (we are a newsroom), the lift pinging, the microwave donging, that dull computer hum, chairs squeaking, a sudden burst of laughter and I curse you! Which is kind of the point. Are you sure you are not so easily distracted because something is going on in your life? Drinking too much at night? Not enough sunshine? I would go and get your health checked out. Take up vigorous exercise and have more sex, which of course helps relax even the most crabby of us.

As for an office? I just got a quote for a little glass box for our Sydney office and it came in at SIX THOUSAND BLOODY DOLLARS. Plus, of course, it takes up heaps of space which is another massive cost. And in every office there are the insecure who would view your nervous disposition as merely a manipulative power-play and whinge to the boss.

So face it: an office ain’t going to happen. Go out and buy a pair of industrial earmuffs. They kill all sound and you can sit in uninterrupted, heavenly silence and work your fingers to the bone. Alternatively, you could invent the latest office accessory: a really cool pair of noise blockers that you could slip over your ears under groovy earphones, so you don’t look like a complete tosser.

Be smart,
Your Aunty B

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