My staff have crap all over their desks. Help!

Dear Aunty B,

I have just taken over the reins of a largish company and wondered what your opinion is on personal effects on people’s desks. There are some people who collect really weird stuff. One woman collects Japanese candy. Another has Hello Kitty stuff on every free surface around her desk. Another bloke collects those ugly snow domes from tourist destinations.

It makes the whole office look very unprofessional to wander in to someone’s office and wonder if you have been transported to some tacky Japanese tourist shop. I don’t even have pictures of my kids in the office because it is business and also I am a woman at the top of a blokey industry and therefore want to present as professionally as possible.

At my old office staff we were banned from putting anything on their desks at all which caused considerable resentment so I wouldn’t go that far.

Laura,
Brisbane

Dear Laura,

How awful. Why on earth did you take the job? If I were you I would go around with a bin and sweep all that crap off their desks in one dramatic swoop, yelling: “Death to crap! Aunty B descries!”

Alternatively you could do this. Set up a table far away from anyone and invite staff to take their crap and nicely lay it out. Tell your people that while it is fine to embrace their inner crap, there have been a few complaints about the office looking unprofessional and therefore it would be great to keep only the essentials – which includes a few personal affects and photos, etc – on their desks.

Make sure the crap table is a dodgy car table with a bung leg. After a few weeks the leg will collapse and all the crap will be packed away in a box until another table is bought, which of course will never happen. This time next year there will be no table, no crap and you will have other problems to worry about.

Be smart,
Your Aunty B

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