I don’t want to give a previous employee a bad reference. What should I do?

Dear Aunty,

I had to let a staff member go for poor performance. He is rather a vulnerable young man who was completely clueless. He had no idea how to do a better job even with a lot of encouragement from my part. That was four years ago. He was so upset when I sacked him I took him to the pub for a drink and gave him some advice.

I felt so bad about firing him that I told him he would be right for other jobs just not this one. Now I am in this awful situation where I keep being rung up by potential hirers of this young man for a reference, although I never said I would give him one. When I hear the job I think maybe he could do that and so I give him a good reference. I have done that twice. Two years ago he ended up at a professional organisation on my reference and was sacked from there a year later. One of the staff there knows my sister and she told me that they could not believe I had recommended him and they persisted with him long past when they should have got rid of him because of my reference.

Now a private school has called me to give him a teaching job! I can’t give him a reference. For one thing he would never be on time in the morning. And his brain doesn’t start to work until after lunch. I just couldn’t inflict him on the kids. But I also feel really bad about saying that as it will seal his fate and he won’t get the job. I feel I have had a negative impact on this young man’s life so why do I keep having a more negative impact? I know what you will recommend Aunty: that I call him up and ask him to stop using me for a reference. But I can’t do that. Can you answer this quickly as I need to get back to the school?

Feeling sorry,
Sydney

Dear Feeling sorry,

Why on earth do you feel responsible for him? You are not his mother. Stop giving him references. If you are uncomfortable giving him a negative one then don’t give him one at all. When someone rings, tell them you are not in a position to give him a reference. You will only need to do that once before he will get the hint and stop putting you on his CV.

The school has probably already found someone great so put it out of your mind. But if they ring again, do what I say. You have assisted him and given him lots of chances. He now needs to move on and find his own place in life.

Now. How is business? Isn’t the skills shortage a bugger!! Have you started working on your strategic plan for FY 12 yet?

Be smart,
Your Aunty B

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