My boss’s competitiveness is alienating me. Help!

This article first appeared October 19, 2010.

Hi Aunty B,

I have to confess. I have had no choice but to contact you as I am at a loss at what to do with my boss.

He is new (six months in the organisation) and since then I have been progressively undermined and had the more important tasks taken away from me. Even in meetings where I am scheduled to introduce, he will ignore my name on the agenda and will just speak.

The job pays well but I am disillusioned that I am getting dumber and dumber by the day and getting more and more frustrated.

The boss claims that he is competitive which is supposed to explain his totally obnoxious and insecure nature.

I am more qualified than him, slightly older, and he has brought in his lackey with him who attends all the meetings and gets the growth opportunities.

Can you help?

Marisa

Dear Marisa,

He is a bully and you are a victim. It is as much your fault as his. You are letting him bully you so take responsibility.

What you need to do is be very assertive. First, tell him you want a performance review and job description. You need to attend that meeting with a clear idea of what job you do, the gains you have made, the strategy for the company and how you intend to meet future goals.

You confront your boss with the following: important tasks are being taken away. Why? Has the job changed? Where do you need to improve? You also tell him that he is undermining you in meetings. Ask why when your name is on the agenda does he speak? Tell him the growth opportunities you are seeking, why you can do the job and the results you will get the company.

Don’t be arrogant and remember you earn opportunities. You don’t just get them because they are in your job description or you are more highly qualified.

Finally, I worry when you use expressions about getting dumber and dumber. I think you have a self-esteem problem and could probably do with some sessions with a counsellor. This is the type of language that victims use.

Lastly, remember that when you confront bullies they always step back. As you point out, he is insecure. So call him on it.

Good luck!
Your Aunty B

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