I am tired of being nice to the brown noser. Help!

Dear Aunty B,

I have a colleague who never sees his kids because he is too busy avoiding hell hour and trying to impress the boss by staying late. The brown noser has this saying that I find hugely offensive. He says whenever he can: it is as easy as motherhood. Motherhood!! Does he know how bloody hard motherhood is? No of course he doesn’t. He boasts about never having to change nappies and that his stay at home wife keeps his dinner in the oven. Every time he says it I want to take his roast lamb and gravy out of the oven and rub his greasy face in it. He has been particularly noxious this school holidays, asking me a few times who is looking after my kids?

My question is this. Is he a sexist pig who is trying to make me feel guilty about not being at home with my kids and should I say something? I am tired of being really nice about it! In fact I am tired of being nice.

Motherhood is hard!
SA

Dear Motherhood is hard,

What’s up your bum? Men use derogatory expressions about women all the time. Feeling tired? You have a nanny nap. Something made up? It’s an old wives tale. A kid is a wuss? He’s a mummy’s boy.

I mean the rudest word in the English language is a female body part for goodness sakes.

Look, I should advise you to ignore him. But I won’t. So try my trick. What you want to do is be as repulsive as possible, as nicely as possible.

Next time he mentions motherhood being easy, you do this. You look at him very nicely, in a kind of amused and patronising waym, and you say: “So you think motherhood is easy? You think it’s easy squatting for 36 hours in a shower trying to push a watermelon out through the hole the size of a five cent coin? (Add lots of details here including ripped walls, stitches, pelvic floors, blood, guts and having to spend the next 20 years at the beck and call of mini psychopaths.)

Then to finish, you smile sweetly and say: “I think you mean as easy as fatherhood…” and off you walk. I promise.

Good luck!
Your Aunty B

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