I want to stab my business partner to death with a pen. Help!

Dear Aunty B

Help! My husband and I bought a furniture business six years ago which we’ve decided to sell within the next 12 months because (a) we’re never going to make a lot of money out of it and (b) although we’re theoretically a good business partnership, in reality most days I want to stab him to death with a pen. My question is how do I make it through these last months without being arrested?

Because of a few early spats I insisted we create an organisational chart dividing up our responsibilities and accountabilities based on strengths, weaknesses and personality traits. I ended up with buying, marketing and visual merchandising and he ended up with operations, HR, accounts and logistics. The idea was that strategic decisions remain shared, implementation be divided.

On an E-myth analysis I am the classic entrepreneur/manager and he is the classic manager/tactician. I always dreamt of building a turnkey business with great branding, culture, systems and procedures, with a view to replicating the business.

He has always wanted the business to be about him. He thinks the place will fall down if he is away from it. Although he’s good at writing up systems and procedures (accountant background) he keeps a lot of information in his head with the effect that the staff (and I) have to consult him about operational matters frequently. They are never referred back to the extensive manuals but encouraged to take the easy option of interrupting him (and me) rather than look it up, thereby defeating having a written system or procedure in the first place!

He is hopelessly disorganised and runs around like the proverbial chook most of the time. Sometimes I feel compelled to take over implementation of some of his role because he is (in my view) so lacking in organisation and time management that fundamental things aren’t being attended to (eg. having staff rostered on, having change in the till).

I have lost my passion for the business and the rot has definitely set in. I have decided to start a wholesale company on my own. My mind is elsewhere most of the time, strategising the new business. I’m not sure if I have the strength to see this one through to the end…

Regards,
Over It

Dear Over It,

At the risk of drawing the ire of the Family Business Association down yet again upon my hapless head, may I reiterate: never go into business with family. Family is your haven, your support, your love nest, your home. Business is strategy, execution, tough decision-making, entrepreneurial. Husband and wife business is a bit like prostitution in my book: mixing sex with work… not a good idea. I mean I have seen it work on occasion where the couple have a clear hierarchy, very good boundaries, good consultants and exceptional social intelligence. But even then it adds an extra layer of complexity and business is hard enough in my book.

But you have already worked out that out.

What you have now are three priorities and you are going to repeat them to yourself every day.

First priority is to be kind. Every day you want to scream at your husband, you are going to clamp your mouth shut and then say something nice. He is your husband. You are with him for many reasons which have been overshadowed by this business. You need to rediscover those reasons. You need some fun weekends away that are romantic, silly, adventurous – anything that will take your mind off the business. Is that possible when you want to stab him to death? Yes because this nightmare is over.

Second priority is to prepare the business for sale. This means setting up a structure whereby someone can take over your functions while you get sale ready and handle the process. Get your husband busy on something meaningless that gets him out of the way.

Third, rather than escape the nightmare with the excitement of your new business, give yourself an hour a day to work on it properly so it doesn’t not distract you from your first two priorities: saving your marriage and selling your business.

Your aim is this: it is now October (nearly). You could have this business sold by August next year and be on holiday somewhere warm with your husband, planning your new venture. By then you will have spent time talking to your husband about what he will do and helped him get a job in full-time employment.

You have the strength to do this! So get on with it.

Good luck!
Your Aunty B