I refuse to unbutton my shirt! Will Sydney reject me?

Dear Aunty B,

I have recently moved to Sydney from Melbourne and I have found a major cultural difference. I work in digital media and we all wear open neck shirts. It has been brought to my attention that I button almost to the top which means apparently that I am easily identified as an uptight Melbourne tosser with a pole up his you-know-what.

I have been defending my one-button-undone policy. But to no avail. Do I have to open my next button and adopt the brazen open-neck-style of Sydneysiders? Or are Sydneysiders uncouth, chest-baring show-offs who are behind the times?

RB
Melbourne

Dear RB,

Good news! I think our readers will view your trivial query as a sure sign that the downturn is ending!

The solution is easy. When in Sydney, unbutton. When in Melbourne, button up.

My feeling is that you will quickly find you like the Sydney two-button policy. In fact you might start to develop that Sydney swagger. You will almost certainly start to buy more clingy shorts, work harder on those abs, develop an obsessive interest in trivia and fashion and a distaste for any conversation that mentions the weather. In fact, you’ll probably find it hard to return to Melbourne!

So go ahead and unbutton. But one note of caution. Stop at two. I was recently visiting the Gold Coast and observed that the three button policy was quite prevalent and in several situations I witnessed shirts unbuttoned to fourth position! This was boldly coupled with gold chains tangled in a black belt, a sight that would cause shock among the matrons of Melbourne but up in Queensland barely attracted a second glance.

So RB, when in Rome…

Good luck!
Your Aunty B

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