How do I stop staff germs infecting us?

Dear Aunty B,

What is it with men? When women get sick, they stay home. When men get sick they come to work, drag themselves around the office like a spluttering Gollum and leave a trail of dirty tissues in their wake. They don’t actually do any work because they are too busy telling everyone they have “flu” and standing around with a hangdog sort of look hoping to generate sympathy.

I just told one of my staff to go home and he refused, saying he is too busy and will get behind. Meanwhile, I swear between blowing his nose, coughing REALLY LOUDLY and making himself endless cups of lemon honey tea, he has done bugger all. You know the worst? Because he won’t go home, he will get even more sick and then be off for a week with a chest infection!

I have already caught something off him this year that had me in bed for days. I stayed home of course!

Aunty B, I know I am being generalist here but this seems to be a peculiar male trait. How can I get the buggers to consider for a second the other people in the office? I am sick of taking their germs home to my kids!

Over the germs,
Vic

Dear Over the germs,

A survey by a recruitment firm recently found that one in two Australian workers go to work when sick. Undoubtedly, the male half of the human race.

But guess what? There is a cost for people turning up to work when sick. A report by Medibank private in 2007 found that people turning up to work when not 100% well cost every company six days of lost work a year! No idea how they came up with that figure but who cares. We all believe it! Here is what you have to do with sick staff members.

1. Look at them with distaste so they FEEL they look like a grotty soppy tissue.

2. Try and offer some sympathy before you TELL them to go home.

3. Tell them how annoyed you are going to be if they make you sick AGAIN, comment on how hard they have been working and nominate someone who can help with their workload so they don’t get behind.

4. Shove them out the door – in a caring sort of way and make sure you don’t touch any door handles before washing hands obsessively.

5. When he returns, publicly praise him to the company for his selfless actions.

That should spread the word that you won’t tolerate sickness at work! And that you are a caring boss!

Good luck,
Your Aunty B

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