Should I go into business with my husband’s dead-beat family?

Dear Aunty B,

My husband told me during dinner last night that his parents approached him about going in with them and his brother and purchasing, remodelling and selling homes.

My husband and I are debt free but his father and brother are not.

I feel that this is a bad idea financially, as well as personally for everyone involved. I feel like my husband and I will end up supplying most of the funds because the other two won’t be able to at some point.

My brother in law is in a less than stable marriage with children involved and while he has a good job I feel like one day he will go through a divorce. My father-in-law is 57 and while he is able to work as a dry-waller right now, he is still in debt for his own home. Why would they want to do this?

It puzzles me that my husband questions every cent I spend but is “all for” this project that his family suggested. I feel that when something goes wrong with this “perfect idea” I am going to have hard feelings toward my husband’s family. He gets upset when I tell him I believe it’s a bad idea. Can I get some other input?

Disgusted

Dear Disgusted,

Hmmm… First let’s crawl inside hubby’s head and have a good look at things from his point of view. Your husband questions every cent you spend because you are spending it! But in his mind’s eye this new project with mom and pop and big bro is going to make him money!

See the difference? So that’s what you must work on. Adopt a very cheery stance and ask lots of questions in an open manner. Don’t be defensive. Be inquiring. And be professional.

First things first. Make it clear to everyone this is not a project. It’s a family business! They will love that, so you have got them to first base.

Secondly, run though what needs to be done to set up a business. Hubby will find all the attention to detail annoying and start to get cold feet.

Thirdly, you need a shareholder’s agreement stipulating who is putting in what funds for what share of the company, who pays what, who does what and what happens to the profits and how they are distributed. Or what happens when there is a loss. Who tips in the cash, etc.

The shareholders agreement also sets out what happens to each person’s stake if they go bankrupt, drop dead, decide to sell or are forced to sell though a messy divorce, etc.

It also includes dispute mechanism for when World War III breaks out, and believe me there is no worse war than a family business war.

If they all agree to set the business up in a professional manner, your husband and the family has skills in the trades needed to pull off such a venture, the economy is right and you can see there are customers that might be willing to pay for the houses at a cost that will give you a profit, then great!

If they don’t agree to all that, then you must look at protecting yourself. Get advice from an accountant. And as a last resort, you might also need a good marriage counselor and potentially a divorce lawyer.

Your husband is disregarding your contribution to your marriage and your input. He is being unrealistic and disrespectful. So it’s time to pull in the experts. Oh, shame about that costing him money.

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