I’m losing my self esteem. Help!

I feel anxious lately and not my usual self. I can’t quite work it out – maybe I am worried about my job security, but it seems to be more than that. I lack confidence and I feel very negative about myself. Am I alone? 

Many people lose confidence and self-esteem at various times in their lives. It may be as a result of a loss of a job or contract, poor sales, negative feedback, sickness, financial crises… there are so many reasons. It can be something that hits us at work in our work lives or just in our home life – or both.

Sometimes a minor setback can cause a loss of confidence. Then you get caught in a self-fulfilling prophecy – that minor setback can trigger a big downward spiral of negative feelings and self doubt and suddenly you end up being a person with low self-esteem.

Here are some suggestions to help improve self-esteem.

Work on anxiety

Instead of going over and over your situation, take some calculated risks. Change the scripts in your head about being anxious.

Choose one area of concern in your life and make some changes. Instead of thinking about it – actively do something to change the situation.

If something makes you feel anxious – try using systematic desensitisation. Take a small step towards what is of concern and do a small thing towards facing it. Then tomorrow do it again and keep taking more actions and steps to overcome the anxiety.

If you are anxious because you are not facing up to something or not getting an overdue job completed – then get it done as it will likely be affecting you in all aspects of your life.

Tell yourself:

• I can do this.
• I will be OK and will stay in control.
• I will get things completed and feel good about myself.

Learn something new

Finding a new hobby or taking up something new – a skill, a language, a sport, some exercise, a game – can break a pattern of poor self esteem. Select a task outside your normal repertoire.

Develop an action plan. Then adopt the “Do it now!” approach. You may be surprised about the impact.

Some things I have taken up and love are French lessons and pilates. Learning something new can provide a great circuit breaker and boost to your feelings and self confidence.

Don’t be a cynic about yourself

It’s strange that so many of us easily fall into a pattern of being cynical about ourselves.

It’s a thinking pattern that has likely become a habit. Try consciously breaking the habit by “rewriting” your scripts – the things you say to yourself about what you can and can’t do. In this way you can try and undo the sabotage-thinking.

Avoid blind spots

Get realistic feedback from friends and work colleagues. Many people have inaccurate views about themselves, so it’s great to ask for some honest and open feedback from those who know you. Find out if your self image is accurate.

Practice self acceptance

Accept your weaknesses. Everyone has certain weaknesses and that is OK. Acceptance can diminish their power over you. Become empowered by accepting.

Click here to see the video 5 Steps to High Self Esteem

By Eve Ash, psychologist and managing director, Seven Dimensions, author of Rewrite Your Life! and co-producer with Peter Quarry of the Ash.Quarry Productions DVD 5 Steps to High Self-Esteem (Take Away Training Series) www.7dimensions.com.au

To see all Eve’s expert advice, click here.

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