They didn’t listen. Is it because I am a woman?

Dear Aunty, 

I have a problem and I am unsure whether it is to do with being a woman or my personality and I wondered if you could help?

Our business recently had a major structural issue that affected the way we were executing strategy and ultimately on the service levels we offered. I tried for months to raise the alarm, telling people that we had major issues but nothing was done. Then we lost our most significant client because an order went spectacularly wrong and the place is in meltdown.

There has been lots of recriminations flying around about who is to blame, with me being one of them as I was the face-to-face person dealing with the client. And then the most astonishing thing happened Aunty! When I pointed out that I had been raising these issues about what was wrong for almost a year, I was told by my two managers that they had actually never heard me say anything about those issues. I couldn’t believe it, as I raised those issues at almost every meeting we had. And don’t think I am a shrinking flower. I have been called lots of things by these male managers at work including loud, bombastic and in your face. Last week I got told I was like a tank that barged across the Gaza Strip oblivious to pitched battles going on all around me (I didn’t take it personally).

The management team is all men. Do you think that if I were a man they would have listened? My mentor who is a very experienced business woman says men don’t often hear women at work because they sound like their wives, which I thought was crap – but maybe not!

Why didn’t they listen? And how do I get heard?

Sydney

Dear Why didn’t they listen,

The only gender issue we have here is you worrying about whether this is a gender thing or not. It has nothing to do with whether you are a woman. This is just bad management and that comes in all shapes, sizes and genders.

The reason people don’t hear is because they don’t want to hear. So you can yell until you are blue in the face or be as forceful as you like whether you are a man or a woman or a dog and still not get heard. Why is that? Well, I reckon for a lot of people work is fun. It is a place to get away from your problems. Who wants to face up to more problems at work? Especially if you don’t have to?

Secondly, you can only know you have a problem if you understand the business you are in. It is surprising how many managers don’t really understand what they are doing, how their bit impacts on the rest of the business and how the whole thing fits together. So it sounds like you are dealing with incompetent managers who suffer selective deafness. That is their problem not yours. So how do you get heard? As David Smorgan always says: “Talk to the head not the arse”.

Here are three ways for you to consider: Try writing a letter to the CEO or the board that clearly states the problem. Second, you can get promoted so you can run the place. Third, you can resign and state your reasons on the way out the door. So don’t fret about gender. There are lots of men out there who will be jumping up and down yelling: that happened to me too!

Be smart,
Your Aunty B

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