Should I shake hands with a woman?

Dear Aunty B,

I am meeting more and more women at senior levels of business. My problem is that I am a big bloke at 6.5-feet with a big handshake, but I am not overly macho, more metro, and very supportive of women in business.

My problem is handshaking. I often find myself in a circle where I am required to shake hands. The men are fine but when I come to the women, I don’t know what to do. Sometimes they put their hands out and that makes it easy. I shake it. But other times I go to shake a woman’s hand and they seem to shrink back a bit and then offer their hand in a limp unenthusiastic manner like they don’t want me to touch them and I wish I hadn’t initiated it. Others don’t shake back. They just let their hand rest in mine and I shake it a few times and drop it.

The other night I was at a work function and it just seemed too hard so I gave all the blokes the usual shake and just nodded at the one woman. It was I hoped a friendly inclusive type of nod but she leaned across and asked me did I make a point of NOT shaking women’s hands or was it just her? I then felt really embarrassed and shook women’s hands all weekend at the market, at a BBQ and even at a Greek Orthodox christening where it just prolonged the agony because the yiayias still insisted on kissing me anyway.

Aunty what is the right way with women? Do I always wait for a woman to put out her hand? Why are they so complicated? Why can’t we agree on a universal way to greet women?

A bloke,
Canberra

Dear Bloke,

Gee. And you think women complicate things. Look, if it is a business function you shake hands, regardless of whether it is a man or a woman. You shake a woman’s hand in the same way you would a man. If she is uncomfortable with that, it is her problem. Not yours. If you like to crush men’s hands to cover your insecurity change your grip so it is comfortable for men and women – which is the point of a handshake, you know.

The jury is out on social situations. I always shake men’s hands in a social situation. Indeed I am one of those women who make your life easy by always offering my hand to all and sundry. I shake the hands of men, women, waiters, children – in fact if I can be accused of anything it is indiscriminate, overt handshaking.

So Bloke, decide that you are a handshaker forever more. Life is too short trying to ponder the ins and outs of the female psyche so go forth, my man, and shake.

Be smart,
Your Aunty B

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