The office fridge is a cesspool. Help!

Dear Aunty B,

Our fridge is a disgusting, stinky cesspool of old smells, dribbled food stuff and plastic cartons with mouldy guck in them. It makes me sick even to write about it! The other day I poisoned a visitor after I poured them water from a jug that I had just filled the night before for the visit! The smell from the fridge permeated the water and almost caused the visitor to be sick!

The problem of course is that people bring their food in and then forget about it. I want to ban all food from the fridge. We are an office, not a restaurant. I don’t mind just having milk for tea and coffee. But why should we put up with people’s bad habits?

Friggin’ sick of the fridge,
Lou

Dear Lou,

So you hate the fridge. That is a good thing to hate. Far better than hating that woman who owes you $50,000 and lies through her teeth about not paying it. Far better that dealing with demanding staff who keep asking for more. Far better than working on that strategic plan for a new business that is really tricky and challenging and exhaustingly hard. In fact the fridge is the most perfect receptacle for pure rage!

If I were you, I would wait until everyone had gone home and then put on some rubber gloves, get a huge bin, make sure it is double lined, pick up every disgusting item from the fridge and hurl it into the bin as hard as you can.

You could even decide to tackle a whole shelf in one go. Slide your rubber gloved hand to the back of the shelf, ready the bin and then sweep the entire shelf into the bin while yelling at the top of your voice. Feel free to swear: the more disgusting the language the better. It really does work. Any type of rage in the kitchen is deeply satisfying. And fridge rage results in less mess than hurling plates.

When you have chucked everything in the bin, leave a note to the cleaners to clean the fridge from top to bottom.

But you are not finished yet. Leave a note on the fridge, telling everyone that from now on everything in the fridge has to have the owner’s name attached. No name? It’s in the bin. You’ll have a lovely time checking it every night after everyone has gone home. Very nice distraction from suing that woman who won’t pay.

Have a nice weekend.

Your Aunty B

To read more Aunty B advice, click here.

Email your questions, problems and issues to auntyb@smartcompany.com.au right now!