Keep the Australia Day epidemic at bay

It’s the epidemic sweeping the nation: Fakenitis Fever. And, as a boss, you need to be aware of it.

Independent clusters of this terrible, productivity sapping disease spring up across the nation in any week where there’s wither a major sporting event on during the day. It hits epidemic proportions on weeks that include a public holiday, such as Australia Day.

Key symptoms include employees doing a poor impersonation of a sick person while on the phone to their boss in the morning. This will include both a few fake coughs and a froggy voice.

This is followed up by hours spent “recovering” by sleeping in, watching TV, playing video games, having a long lunch with friends, shopping, drinking, or pretty much any other recreational activity they enjoy.

Now, while your humble correspondent is no trained medical practitioner, your dear Doctor Taskmaster knows enough about treating this debilitating illness to help keep it at bay. And the remedy is simple.

First, call a meeting of all your staff or – far better – send them all an email. Explain to them that they’re welcome to take a week off around public holidays – but it will be counted as either holiday or unpaid leave. (Circle as appropriate.)

Tell them that if they want some time off sick, in a week of a public holiday, they will either need to inform you ahead of time of a medical condition, or provide a doctor’s certificate.

You will be amazed at the curative properties such an email has on Fakenitis Fever.

Get it done – today!